Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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