just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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