Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
