my vag is so smooth its legendary
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I touched a dick in church today
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