oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
