I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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