Pregnant stripper...not hot.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
