Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
