the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
