Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
