If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
