just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
