Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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