You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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