I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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