but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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