who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
