Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
