I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
