I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
where does the pee come out of this thing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
