just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
