nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
