We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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