Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
