Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is wine microwaveable?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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