omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
