i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
