did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
