You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
