Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there's paper in my vomit.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
