god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
