I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
