So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
