When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
time to smoke my breakfast
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
