3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
