Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
