Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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