Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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