that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
