you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
