Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
