I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
