I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
