I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
