So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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