Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
