Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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