I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
