They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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