I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
